So Mr. Perfect ONS has been texting me since I left yesterday and it’s been lovely. We seem to like the same things and he gets my sense of humour. Which relies heavily on sarcasm so not to everyone’s taste.
BUT then he goes and sends me this today:
‘Ello you. Work is same as always, not too long left now. I am playing football tonight so won’t be able to meet up 
BUT, I’d like you to come back one weekend or something in the near future if you’re free? You can stay at my new house if you don’t want to bother your friends again. What you up to today? xo
WELL THAT’S NO BLOODY GOOD IS IT? Football doesn’t have a deadline. I DO. I leave tomorrow. Asking me to come back and visit just isn’t good enough. I don’t know you very well, why would I purposely spend money I SIMPLY DO NOT HAVE to see you when you’re not prepared to put me before a silly little game? Oh and very sly having me stay at yours. So basically, come back for sex yeah? What am I doing today? Well I had hoped to go on a date but now I guess I’ll just have to go to the shop and sit with a bottle of wine and complain that men are shit. Even the perfect ones. Bloody guitarists..
Although I suspect that might not go down too well. Any advice??
Love and luck to all xxx
Reblogged this on Dirty Little Whispers and commented:
THE GIRL NEEDS ADVICE NOW! Please help
Tell him to skip the game? That’s what I’d do. That said, I came across this blog as Little Miss reblogged it so I’ve no idea about history etc etc etc. sex is more fun than football anyways…
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Thank you for the advice!! I kinda expected he would what with me leaving. I think I might suggest he sees me after – they only last like 2 hours so I don’t see the problem? If you read my posts night on the razz part 1 and 2 its got the full story. Stupid man. xxx
Oh I’ll take a read of that when I get home
Works for me.
I’m a big fan of telling people what you’re really thinking. I’d tell him that you’re free tonight and that you’d like to think you’re more important than a football game.
When I’m keen on someone, I put myself out for them. You want me to drive for 2 hours so we can have lunch? I’m there.
Thanks for the advice. I’m normally really honest with people. Probably too honest. But this started as a one night stand so I’m not really sure I can tell him I’ve got feelings for him just yet. I think you’ve got the right idea though. I’m tired of being the one who has to make all the effort in a relationship and I don’t want one to start with me having to go see him all the time. I don’t want this to just be it though xxx
Ah cat string theory in action. Got to love it’s many uses.
My advice: Text him back and say it doesn’t look like you can get around to his in the next few weeks but if he should take a trip out to you and you’ll make it worth his while.
Whilst this may seem like a risky strategy (and it is) it’s mainly there to re-establish your power within the (psudo)relationship. If you don’t do it now you never will and you’ll be doomed to make the same mistake over and over again.
So with that in mind i recommend you drop the ‘perfect’ tag (no perfect person in the history of humankind has 1) played the guitar and 2) signed his texts with ‘xo’ like a chromosomally challenged Gossip Girl) as this just makes him seem irreplaceable in your eyes.
Haha, very true I was a bit alarmed to find both those things out. But I figure the guitar was unavoidable if he grew up with metal bands. We can definitely change his name though. Its a good idea, not sure if I dare do it! He mentioned that he’s seeing some friends who live vaguely near me in a couple of months and that he would give me ring…. xxx
Also, cat string theory? xxx
Haha, chromosomally challenged gossip girl
Cat String Theory (be warned it’s from the Game by Neil Strauss but is also quite well defined in mainstream psychology, or so I’m lead to believe, and i’ve also done this myself)
Imagine a pet cat. You give the cat a ball of string and they begin to play with it. Eventually the cat gets bored of the ball of string and leaves it; preferring to go looking for a new play thing. Now when you see the cat’s indifference to the ball of string the natural inclination is to put it away. Now the cat has seen this and rushes back after the ball of string – it becomes obsessed with it as if the act of deprivation has redoubled it’s desire to possess it. The same thing happens with babies and curiously when somebody that we know has a crush on us finds a partner. It’s that acute sense of loss that forces us to act, almost on impulse, to regain our ‘ball of string’.
You know the phrase ‘you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone’? That’s Cat String theory in action. So in your situation he is taking his ‘ball’ away in order for the cat (you) to become more attached – it’s your classic powerplay.
That makes a lot of sense actually. But why is there a power struggle 2 days in?? xxx
because power relationships are defined early on. I won’t go as far to say that he’s concious of what he’s doing here (we do have to consider the possibility that he’s giving you the brush off – and just not being experienced enough to do it properly) but picture this scenario.
Boy texts girl. She texts back 10mins later. Boy texts girl an hour later because he has her attention. This time She takes 6 hours to reply. Boy texts back almost immediately because he wants to hold her attention.
And THAT’S on day 1!
When somebody is chasing us we have all the power – we can move it on, slow it down, of filibuster it till it dies silently in the ether between inboxes. However if somebody is doing it to us we’re constantly wondering why they aren’t texting and hoping it’s not because of something we’ve done. Who has the power to create this relationship in this senario? Us or them?
Talk to him about it. I believe in laying down intentions and setting expectations. It’s never easy to play the guessing game
Thanks for the advice. I’ll be letting you all know my progress really soon xxx
What Luke said
I’m amazed that you girls put up with so much crap from guys.
Ah! I would just say that never fall for anyone just because your thinking matches. For a perfect bonding you need trust and understanding. Good decision for not moving on further with this guy.
Keep blogging!
Thanks for the advice. I’m not giving up on him just yet. I think I need more time to get to know him before we carry on though. I’m certainly not coming up to visit him until I feel that I can trust him. I agree with you there, the most important thing in a relationship to me, beyond love, is trust. Especially in something that’s long distance otherwise it can become resentful and unfair. xxx