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Reblogged from Anatomy UK:

I failed my driving test lately, so when it comes to travel I have to rely on my dad (currently laid up) or buses (unfortunately I’m overdrawn so can’t go on these either).

Which means that for the last month I’ve not been able to attend any pole classes. Or archery. But I’m missing pole more.

I’d just done a taster day at a new studio, demonstrating to potential students – I basically got a whole day to play on the pole for free! It was amazing and really spurred my enthusiasm for the sport. I was *this* close to getting jack knife! We even got free sports massages. I’m telling you it was bliss.

Without transport though I can’t get to the classes and with my dad laid across the floor like a beached whale I  can’t play on my pole at home either. I’m starting to feel like an addict going through withdrawal. I’m desperate to do some exercise, I’m getting really fat, and to have some fun! I’ve had to ban myself from Youtube. There’s too much pole I’ve subscribed to!

Oh and as for not talking to Mr. ONS after he messed me around umming and ahhing over a relationship or sex with me. I managed a week. We had phone sex last night and he wants to arrange a visit when he’s moved into *another * new city next month. All the will power of a weight watchers group at Cadbury World.

Love and luck to all xxx

SO much has happened since I last wrote to you too. I split with my man, after cheating on him. Not my finest moment. I never intended to cheat. I had however decided to end it. I just didn’t feel the same. He’s in love with me for gods sake. I stuck with it because I thought I should want him. Theoretically he’s a man that would make me happy, support me and ease the stress of my life. But that’s not enough. In the first moment my tall dark friend pulled me close under the stars I felt more than I ever felt for my boyfriend. It was the most passionate kiss I’ve ever had. We couldn’t keep our hands off each other. I had been attracted to him for over a year, but he’d been in a long term relationship. I respected that and kept my distance. He couldn’t follow through though. After the foreplay he stopped it. He wouldn’t sleep with me while I was with someone else. Better person than I deserve.

I’ve caught up with old friends, BBQs and afternoon tea in the gorgeous weather. Its so nice to know that regardless of the time we spend apart we can still stay friends. I was really genuinely happy. I heard from my friend in Afghanistan, he’d recieved his care package and written back to me. Everything was looking up.

My granddad is doing better, finally able to eat solids and finished chemo. Surgery due when he’s strong enough. My dad not so much. After confirmation he’d had a heart attack he put his shoulder out, then his back. Making my job so much more difficult. I look after two children, only they’re about 50 years old and refuse to do as they’re told. Its exhausting. Driving them around, cooking, cleaning, making nice with their friends, checking on them and then trying to have my own life and revise. I failed my driving test for no good reason. Retest due soonish.

I’ve been so busy and got fuck all to show for it. Things got so bad my friend took me to stay with her for a week. I spent a week looking at myself in the mirror and not recognising my reflection. My bags and dark circles were gone. Took a couple of days at home to sort that though!

I can’t even think what else has happened. One ex apologised for how he’s treated me, another has cut me out of his life after I snapped at him for having no time for me. My best friend had a lucky escape when driving. I think that’s what’s shook me up. Knowing that if I lost him I’d never come back from it.

So here I am: tired, isolated, lonely, and feeling like I might cry at any second and not knowing why. I thought I was done with this for a while. Depression is a bitch.

love and luck

It’s been going well. The kissing has improved significantly! I had to resort to telling him about it. The next time I saw him though it was clear the boy did his homework. There’s still work to be done but at least it’s bearable!

We recently went on a date to a live music event. His friend was playing a set there. The same friend who hates me because after kissing him on a night out I went off with another man after I lost him (not a stranger) It was suitably awkward – although my man was clueless.

Afterwards we had a drive and played in the car. Get ready to cringe.

Lying half naked underneath him he brings up my best friend (a boy) NOT the right time to discuss that! I started shouting at him. It ruined the mood – his attention should be on me, or at least some other girl not the man who’s essentially my brother. I’m all for him trying hard to get on with my friends but wow…

He tells me he loves me. ‘I know its soon but I wanted to tell you I love you.’ A week into the relationship. Okay, so I dated him a few years ago but not for more than a month and it wasn’t serious. And no, I don’t believe in love at first sight. Love takes time.

I told him it’s far far too early but he kept pursuing it. ‘I meant what I said earlier. I really do love you’ ‘When do you think you’ll be able to say it back?’ Well. That’s a question. Just let me get my crystal ball. How can I know when/if I’ll fall for him?! It takes time. Lots and lots of time. ‘When I know I mean it.’ That’s got to be the best answer right? If I said oh next Wednesday should be good for me, it would be so stupid! It wasn’t the answer he wanted.

So that’s twice he’s killed the move. Guess it’s my turn.

Now, let me defend my actions. I was wearing a tight bodycon lace dress. Very sexy but unforgiving at the best of times. Things had been going so so slowly I didn’t think anything would happen. In all our dating adventures there was an ALMOST boob graze. That’s the best we managed. So I rocked up in my scary Bridget Jones pants. They’re incredibly comfy and would make me feel more comfortable in the dress. Also I have the clothing motto short dress, big knickers. That way nobody gets flashed

Now I had forgotten I was wearing these (like I said – very comfy) and so when he unearthed them I was just as shocked as he was. I started laughing and I couldn’t stop. I apologised profusely explaining they were a present after months of teasing my friend for working at Marks and Spencers. I wouldn’t let him take them off, although he tried a few times. In fact any time he touched me after that I thought of the GIANT pants and couldn’t stop laughing. He tried kissing me to distract me only to find that it was going nowhere.

After all that I decided it was time for bed. There was no way we’d be able to carry on. But he wanted to cuddle. I feel like I’m the man. Then he got lost on the way back taking an extra hour to get home. I was exhausted – for all the wrong reasons.

After so long waiting for the sex I couldn’t believe how badly we messed up. Even when he stays here on Friday chances are I’ll be on my period (sorry TMI) What are the chances? I need to get laid and soon! Please??

Love and luck to all xxx

Reblogged from Momentum of Joy:

Blade

I’ve got a really good grip on my knee so this move came really easy to me. This picture is the closest I could find just imagine it swung a little closer to the pole with the arm lower.

Invert and hook the knee. Extend the other leg behind the pole. Lower your body towards the pole, and grip it with one extended arm. Extend the other arm out and smile.

Superman

SO many different ways to get into this move! I used to go into it from blade but for some reason that doesn’t work any more. Now I have to go from thigh hold or flat line scorpio.

From flat line scorpio: bring extended leg towards body and grip pole above it with extended hand. Twist body round maintaining grip on both hands. Cross ankles and squeeze pole between thighs. If you’re anything like me you’ll then have to shimmy your bum down the pole while keeping the top hand high. Then release bottom hand and imagine flying through the clouds!

Peterpan

A pretty easy spin but very very pretty. Similar to carousel. Split grip facing the pole. Extend one leg (with toes pointed obviously!) and bring the other to it. (Bend your knee so your foot rests on the inside of your knee/ankle.

Layback

Pole sit. Cross right leg over left and bring it tight to the pole. Slowly lean back (if unsure of grip hold ankle with left hand) extend arms and hang there.

N.B. this looks really pretty on a spinny pole – you just might need help getting off afterwards!

Extended Butterfly

This move took me SO long to get. Invert. Lower one hand. Take one leg away from pole. Keep it straight! Nothing worse than seeing this move done with a bent leg. You can do it with your ankle on the pole or your foot (harder but prettier) This is my go to move when showing off. I remember  when I first started watching the other girls do this in awe

Love and luck to all (especially pole dancers!) xxx

Next week I’ll be doing my five make up essentials.

He’s lost his hair but that was to be expected with his chemotherapy.

He remains catheterised but has developed a bladder infection causing pain on moving and great discomfort.

His weight has plummeted – physically a shadow of his former self. He looks like his father did when he died at 95 – my grandad is twenty years younger.

He lives off two weetabix and complan each day, no longer able to manage soup.

For the most part he’s just exhausted – unable to walk to bed at night he’s taken to sleeping on the sofa, unable to receive visitors etc.

Mentally he confuses the simplest activities and struggles to keep track of his day.

The man is suffering. I stayed up most of last night comforting my mum – she was unable to stop crying after seeing him last.

I think he’s given up, going through the motions, accepted his fate and wishes to be with my nan again. She was his whole world.

Remember his in your prayers

Love and luck to all xxx

Reblogged from What about God?: